By Claytonian
I know you thought you were through of me, but I'm back today, my little Jibbers. Jibblets? What do we call our readers? They must have a nickname!
So I've been absent of late due to moving to Yokohama and starting a new life. That's right, I'm no longer an inakappei (country hick). The move has entailed a lot of interactions with the locals as I've been doing lots of paperwork--so much paperwork that I have forsworn ever moving with Japan again; I'm stuck in my tiny apartment for life-- and during these interactions, I've encountered the Foreigner Reality Distortion Field.
The Foreigner Reality Distortion Field is always an interesting phenomenon. Though I've encountered it often, I never seem to see it coming. I guess because I come from a country where we are rather lax about learning foreign languages. Anyways, the field has the following properties:
• If a Japanese person is caught in the field of a passing foreigner, they will be compelled to blurt out English.
• The field cannot be canceled by the foreigner speaking Japanese as people listening to the foreigner will not be able to hear or acknowledge other languages besides English.
• Japanese people will only give answers in English. Their questions will still be in their native language. This is especially true for cops and other civil servants. If somebody wants to tell you that you are doing something wrong, you're going to hear some Japanese. And it won't be that polite Japanese, more often than not.
• Old ladies seem to be immune to the field. Expect a lot of dialect from them.
• Old men are affected by the field, but they haven't practiced English since junior high in most cases, so the are limited to "come here" and "turn straight."
• Middle aged men will feel compelled to ask you intimate questions about your girlfriend while in the field.
•But on the other hand, they will also feel compelled to buy you drinks while within the field.
• Many train station staff members will ignore your lack of a train ticket while within the field. But this is not to be relied on.
There is nothing to be done about the Foreigner Reality Distortion Field in most cases, but you may be able to break it by speaking really well. I recommend using a dialect to shake things up.
I know you thought you were through of me, but I'm back today, my little Jibbers. Jibblets? What do we call our readers? They must have a nickname!
So I've been absent of late due to moving to Yokohama and starting a new life. That's right, I'm no longer an inakappei (country hick). The move has entailed a lot of interactions with the locals as I've been doing lots of paperwork--so much paperwork that I have forsworn ever moving with Japan again; I'm stuck in my tiny apartment for life-- and during these interactions, I've encountered the Foreigner Reality Distortion Field.
The Foreigner Reality Distortion Field is always an interesting phenomenon. Though I've encountered it often, I never seem to see it coming. I guess because I come from a country where we are rather lax about learning foreign languages. Anyways, the field has the following properties:
• If a Japanese person is caught in the field of a passing foreigner, they will be compelled to blurt out English.
• The field cannot be canceled by the foreigner speaking Japanese as people listening to the foreigner will not be able to hear or acknowledge other languages besides English.
• Japanese people will only give answers in English. Their questions will still be in their native language. This is especially true for cops and other civil servants. If somebody wants to tell you that you are doing something wrong, you're going to hear some Japanese. And it won't be that polite Japanese, more often than not.
• Old ladies seem to be immune to the field. Expect a lot of dialect from them.
• Old men are affected by the field, but they haven't practiced English since junior high in most cases, so the are limited to "come here" and "turn straight."
• Middle aged men will feel compelled to ask you intimate questions about your girlfriend while in the field.
•But on the other hand, they will also feel compelled to buy you drinks while within the field.
• Many train station staff members will ignore your lack of a train ticket while within the field. But this is not to be relied on.
There is nothing to be done about the Foreigner Reality Distortion Field in most cases, but you may be able to break it by speaking really well. I recommend using a dialect to shake things up.
Yes...like being caught in an undertow or riptide--best to just ride it out, take from the experience what you can, and hope no one gets hurt.
And then carry on.
Haha, I found this hilarious in a painful, familiar kind of way...
Awesome.